Good Times, As My Friend, Beth, Would Say...

It just wouldn't be my blog if I didn't speak about the bodily fluids of my children-at least once per week. I just have to blow off some steam, so exit now if you'd like. I have to say that I am so sick of cleaning up barf and bad diapers, that I'm about to loose my mind. I'm mean, seriously, I'm in a foul mood. I cannot fathom why my kids are bulimic-prone. I am about to scream. Let me just say that SINCE the whole Smart family came down with the stomach bug three weeks ago, Slade has been sick and puked, ran fever, and had croup. Kyle got sick with a nasty stomach bug AGAIN last Sunday. I went nuts and cleaned everything with bleach-as if a horrible CSI episode crime had been committed in our house and I was the cleaning crew. Then Campbell gets the stomach bug on Tuesday. Ok, so she was never around Kyle at all, so those bugs weren't related. So then Nana feels terrible (you know I'm in Iraan this week for spring break) all day yesterday with her stomach grumbling and Brandi goes to bed with hers hurting. At this point, put me in a bubble! I cannot bare to have another stomach bug. Oh, but the fun hasn't let up with Finley's Augmentin poops. I mean serious diapers and spillage AT LEAST 4-5 times per day. It ran into her shoes yesterday-she had three baths. Then today we go into Iraan. She wore 4 different outfits today if that tells you anything. The kicker of the day is that she barfed at the table in the one of two restaurants in the whole town. You know the little red baskets they they put a tissue paper lining in? Well, that was the barf catcher along with some of it on the table, her clothes, floor, salt shaker, and my purse. Then she continues to eat her watermelon after we get her cleaned up-she never misses a beat. If you've never been in a restaurant and had a child barf, you are really missing out. I mean, it's soooo appetizing to the other patrons, and the embarrassment is just unmistakable. I was figuring up the places that my children have puked and it's quite amazing really. Let's see......Isabella's(Iraan Restaurant), the Iraan Public Library, Cattle Baron, The Polar Express, IHOP(that one was particularly lovely), Logan's(let's not forget it was for my birthday lunch-yipee), Covenant Medical Group Offices(the projectile vomit actually scared the nurse that time), Smith Elementary School Cafeteria, Monterey Church of Christ, and too many car seats to even begin to count. Oh, and the real gold medal incident was when we were invited as "GUESTS" to the Hillcrest Country Club swimming pool. Slade barfed in the pool and everyone had to get out. That was particularly embarrassing-and no, we were never asked back. That's only the public areas that I can count tonight in my delirium, off the top of my head. Let's just say that if you've ever eaten at a popular restaurant chain, there's a really good chance one of my children has barfed there. Please invite us over to your home so we can add to our puke list. I think there may be something wrong with them! Do you see why I'm about to snap! GEEEEZZZZ. So no, Crystal, I am seriously disappointed that I will not be able to come by and see the twins this week. Even if we stand outside, we'd probably puke on your glass door! Good times!